Being Unoffended

Being Unoffended

Today, as I was riding in the car with Bella, we listened to a podcast that talked about being unoffended. It sparked a conversation between us about what it really means to be offended. Most of the time, we get offended because we assume the person who offended us knew better. We take it personally. We attach intention to something that may have had none.

But when we reframe the moment and look from a different perspective, everything shifts. Maybe they didn’t know better. Maybe their behavior was the only way they knew how to respond. And if they had known better, they would have done better.

That one shift opens the door to grace.

Whether it is a relationship or a sports performance or even an everyday moment with a stranger on the road, we free ourselves when we stop labeling someone as malicious and start recognizing that they might simply be lacking skill, awareness, or emotional competence. When we look at someone as not competent instead of attacking, we stop being offended.

The adversity shows up when we choose the wrong lens. If I look through a dark lens, I see threat. I see victimhood. I see attack. But if I switch lenses and look through light, my internal world changes. I see opportunity. I see understanding. I see the chance to practice compassion.

The events outside of me will always be outside of my control. But my response is always mine to choose. That old formula comes right back into play. E plus R equals O. Event plus my response equals the outcome I create in myself.

And the truth is this. Most people are not trying to hurt us. Most people are simply lacking the tools. They are not vindictive. They are not malicious. They are just not competent in the moment for whatever skill or decision they needed. That reframe keeps me unoffended.

I was grateful for the talk Bella and I had today. Grateful for the growth it brought both of us. And now the real work begins. Practicing obedience to this lens. Practicing it with drivers on the road. Practicing it with family. Practicing it in sports. Practicing it everywhere we go.

Maybe they are not attacking us. Maybe they just did not know how.

And maybe the light we choose to see through becomes the light we get to carry.