Parent Athlete Relationship

Tonight, I found myself reflecting on why I created the Parent Athlete Relationship Reset program in the first place.

It did not begin as a course or a program. It began with parents. Parents who were looking for answers in the same way I was and still am. Parents who love their child deeply and feel the tension that can quietly replace connection when performance enters the picture.

I know that tension well.

Even now, I still walk through it with Bella. The difference is that I have learned how to move through it with more awareness, more humility, and more calm.

Over time, I realized I was not just trying to help my daughter perform better on the bowling lanes. I was trying to protect her. Fix things. Solve problems before they became problems. What I did not realize was that my tone was carrying pressure faster than my words ever could.

Bella taught me that.

“It’s not what you say, Dad. It’s how you say it.”

That line changed everything for me.

She was not just hearing my words. She was feeling my tone. And my tone, shaped by years of coaching and problem solving, often carried urgency and pressure even when my heart was full of love.

Barbi helped me see it too. Coaches and mentors helped me see it. And slowly, with a lot of trial and error, I began to understand something simple but powerful.

A question asked with tension feels like judgment.

A calm statement spoken gently can feel like safety.

And calm always creates clarity.

Calm creates trust.

I learned that if I wanted Bella to feel supported, I had to regulate myself first. Not coach first. Not fix first. Not explain first. Just be calm first.

As that shifted, something else happened.

Bella began communicating with me more openly. She told me what helped her feel comfortable. What made her feel supported. What reduced the tension so she could just bowl and be herself.

Our communication improved. Our relationship softened. And her performance benefited, not because I was doing more, but because I was doing less and being more present.

That was a breakthrough for me.

There was a time when my desire to help had actually shut communication down completely. I was trying to control outcomes instead of supporting the person. I was creating tension instead of trust. And without realizing it, I was taking away from her performance instead of supporting it.

That is a hard thing to admit as a parent.

But it is also where growth begins.

I share this because none of us are meant to do this alone. I have people who guide me and ground me. And if you are a parent walking through tension with your child athlete, looking for connection instead of conflict, I want you to know you are not failing. You are learning.

I put together a simple set of free tips. Nothing overwhelming. Just small shifts that helped me the most. Things that Barbi and Bella helped me see. Things that reduced tension and opened communication back up.

My hope is not perfection. My hope is connection.

Because tension will always be there. But when we learn how to soften it, even just a little, we give our kids something far more powerful than advice.

We give them safety.

And that changes everything.

https://www.becomingchampionsconsistently.com/